Stepping Away

It's been two weeks since I posted...again.  I am so bad at keeping up with the blog.  I actually have been working on finding balance with food.  As you know from my last few posts, I make myself crazy over food.  Either I have to be absolutely perfect and eat only the healthiest foods in moderation or I am on the opposite end of the spectrum where I eat absolutely everything in sight.  I have realized it's a real problem that I can't hide from. 

For the last couple of weeks, I've been very conscious about my relationship with food.  I've tried not to stress too much about making sure I only eat healthy, but instead focus on managing my portion sizes and only eating when I'm actually hungry.  Stress does not equal hunger.  I haven't been weighing myself because I didn't want the number on the scale to trigger me to binge.  However, I weighed in yesterday and I've lost about 6 pounds over the past couple of weeks.  I am feeling better physically, too.

Anyway, my point is, I'm on a very long road.  I have about 120 pounds to lose to get to a "normal" weight.  I'm done with all the fads and quick weight loss plans.  I'm doing this the right way, and along the way, I hope to repair my rocky relationship with food.  The thing is, I just don't have much to say right now.  I'm working on it.  It's going to be a long, slow and steady journey.

So I'm stepping away from the blog for a little while as I try to sort everything out.  I don't want to keep posting about how great I did one week just to post about how the next week was a disaster.  I want to be done with the ups and downs of weight loss.  I just want to live a healthy and active life.  I started this blog to motivate me and push me to meet my goals.  However, it's kind of turned into something stressful for me.  I know I don't post very often, but I'm always thinking that I should post something and worrying that I haven't been a good enough weight loss blogger when I don't lose any weight. 

I will post again.  I just need to get a solid grip on this balanced lifestyle before I can share my journey with you guys.  Thanks for being there for me and all the great comments I've received up to now.  I'll keep following your blogs and being inspired by everyone!

The First Big Test

I've been doing sooo good so far this week.  I made a big batch of chicken and white bean chili earlier in the week so I would always have at least one healthy option ready to go when I started getting hungry.  I've been super busy with work and I still am, so I feel really great about the fact that I've been eating healthy instead of just running out to grab fast food when work stress started getting to me.

This weekend will be the first big test for me.  For some reason, as soon as the calender changes to Friday, my brain flips a switch.  I've been so controlled all week.  I've been working hard.  I just want to let loose and eat whatever I want to.  I can get back on track Monday, right?

I realize that isn't a healthy way to live your life.  Five days of being healthy can easily be undone by a two-day free-for-all.  I'm working very hard to get out of this mindset of having a "free" weekend, but I know this weekend is going to be tough.  I already am fighting the urge to forget about the fact I have chicken breast thawing in the fridge ready for the grill and just go get the things I'm really craving.  My brain is telling me right now, "You can eat whatever you want for one more day and then start again tomorrow."  The problem is I know I'll tell myself the same thing again tomorrow, and one more day will turn into one more and then one more.

So I'm going to fight with myself today.  I'll probably have to fight with myself tomorrow, too.  I know if I can just stay on track and keep it up, one day it won't be such a fight.  One day this will all be worth it.  I already feel 100 times better than I felt at this time last week.

Getting Under Control

I'm now on my second full day of being binge free.  I am so happy to have at least snapped the endless cycle of bad food I've been in every day for the past several weeks.  Just going one night without eating a ton of sugar feels like a victory right now.

I've been focusing on two things over the last couple of days. 

1. Eat something...anything when I wake up.  Breakfast is not optional.
In the past I've really struggled with eating breakfast.  The thought of eating in the morning can actually make me feel physically sick.  I didn't want to eat anything too heavy this week since I'm just trying to ease into the idea of eating breakfast.  I've been grabbing a handful of almonds and calling it good.  I still need to work on eating more in the morning, but this is a good start.

2.  Planning what I'm going to eat the night before.
If I know what I'm going to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I am a LOT less likely to binge.  Any time I have been successful with losing weight and eating healthy, I've planned my meals and stuck to the plan.  When I usually go off the rails is when something happens to disrupt my plan.  If I get crazy busy with work and don't plan my meals, there will inevitably be a night when I open the fridge for dinner one night and find only a bottle of ketchup and a dried-up lemon.  That's when I binge.

It's obviously only been a couple of days, but I feel so much better already.  Some guy at the grocery store today even yelled at me from his truck, "You sure have a spring in your step!"  I have no idea what he meant by that, but I guess I'll take it as a compliment.  LOL.

I'm not really focusing specifically on weight loss right now, but I did weigh myself this morning just to see how much damage I've done this past month.  I was 282.2.  Yikes!  I'm not going to weigh myself again for a couple of weeks.  I do not need the scale playing mind games with me right now.

I'm about to jump on the elliptical and then do some meal prep for tomorrow.

 

Reset

I’m really embarrassed to even post this.  I haven’t posted in a while because I am not making any progress.  In fact, I’m backsliding.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about why I’m overweight and the choices that I make when it comes to food.  I think it’s time that I face the facts.  I have a serious problem. 

I’m a binge eater. 

I have been binge eating for a long time, but lately I have been out of control.  I am scared because I feel like even though I know I have a problem and I truly want to change it, I’m still not doing anything about it.

I remember last time I visited my grandma in Florida she spent the whole time making veiled comments about my weight.  She never came out and said, “Lisa, you need to lose weight.”  No, that would be rude, according to her.  Instead, she made sure to point out other people who were overweight and talk about how dangerous it was that they were unhealthy.  She also made it a point to leave early from the beach so that we would be home in time to watch The Biggest Loser.  While we were watching, she kept talking about how she couldn’t believe “those people” let themselves get like that and how easy it is to lose weight if you just decide that you really want to do it. 

She put on a big show of counting Weight Watchers points while I was there, too.  She has never been overweight a day in her life.  She probably weighs 110 pounds and wears a Size 2, but she has been doing Weight Watchers and counting her points for as long as I can remember to maintain her weight.  While I was there, she made sure I saw her writing down her points every day, each time commenting how easy it was to stay within her points. 

She doesn’t understand binge eating.  She doesn’t understand I don’t have the same relationship with food she does.  The relationship I have with food is akin to the relationship that a drug addict has with drugs or an alcoholic has with whiskey.  I love it when I’m doing it, but I hate myself at the same time.  I hate how it makes me feel and I know it’s killing me, but that doesn’t change anything.  Apparently, that’s not enough to make me stop.

For the past several weeks I’ve been in a cycle.  Every day I binge eat thinking to myself that I’m just enjoying my last day of “freedom” before I start eating healthy.  Then the next morning I wake up feeling like crap.  The night before I had planned to work out first thing in the morning, but I feel terrible from last night’s binge.  I didn’t sleep well because all the junk I ate the night before gave me terrible acid reflux, which left me tossing and turning and ultimately propped up by three pillows in a super uncomfortable position just to control the burning in my chest enough to let me sleep a couple hours.  The last thing I want to do is eat breakfast.  Just the thought of it makes me feel sick.  So I skip breakfast, but I fully intend to eat healthy when I do eat my first meal of the day. 

I work from home, so I sit down at my computer and get to work.  Before I know it, it’s 2:00 or 3:00 and I haven’t eaten anything.  My stomach still feels sour and I still have heartburn, but now I’m actually getting hungry.  I check the fridge and realize that everything I have that is healthy is going to take some time to prepare.  Well, I’ve already been working all day and I don’t feel good and now I’m really hungry.  When I get hungry, that’s when I start rationalizing why another binge would be okay.

The conversation I have with myself goes something like this:

“I’m hungry.  The Mexican food place sounds so good right now.”

“You can’t eat that.  It’s terrible for you.”

“Well, I’ll just check the calories and stay within my calories so it won’t be that bad.  Actually, since I’m ordering from the restaurant, I might as well just get everything I want to satisfy my craving and then just start being healthy tomorrow.  I’ll just run by the store before getting my food and grab something healthy for tomorrow.”

“ Since I’m going to be healthy starting tomorrow, I might as well get some “good stuff” while I’m already at the store.” 

“Since I’m getting “good stuff,” I don’t want to just have a little bit.  I’m not going to eat it again for a long time anyway, so I might as well stuff myself with it.  How about a 6-pack of cupcakes and a bag of Oreos?” 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” 

So I go home with my haul feeling excited about the feast I’m about to indulge in.  After eating as much as I can possibly eat, I start feeling horrible again.  I vow to start over tomorrow and change everything.  Then the cycle starts again the next morning.

I realize I need help.  I need to try some things I haven’t tried before because what I’ve been doing obviously hasn’t been working.  I bought a couple of books about binge eating and have done some internet research.  Over the next week or so, I’m going to try to formulate a new strategy for changing my health.  It’s not about being skinny for me anymore.  It’s about my health.  I truly am scared at the state I’m in right now.

I’m hitting the reset button.  I can’t think back on how many times I’ve tried to get healthy in the past.  I can’t think about the failures.  All of that is in the past.  I can’t change what’s already happened.  I can make the right decisions from now on, though.

My focus for this week is just to not let myself get too hungry.  This process is going to take a lot of baby steps, so I’m not going to do anything extreme.  I just need to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner every day instead of waiting until the afternoon and then going crazy with food.  That seems doable, right?  Oh, and no more starting tomorrow.  This starts now.

Is Gluten-Free For Me?

I have to admit, when I started hearing all the buzz about everyone going gluten-free a few years ago, I wrote it off as another fad.  I thought gluten was getting a bad rap.  Now I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should try this whole gluten-free lifestyle.  So why the change of heart?

A couple of weeks ago, I decided I was spending way too much money on food.  I had a ton of meat and veggies in the freezer, plus lots of whole grains, beans, etc., in the pantry.  I figured I would save myself some money and try to eat whatever I already had in the house for that week instead of going to the store and buying more groceries.  Well, I just happened to not have any bread at the moment.  I went the whole week without touching any bread.  I ate brown rice, quinoa, tons of veggies, lots of apples I had hanging around in the fridge, chicken, beef, pork tenderloin, but no wheat.  I actually was worried that I was going to gain weight that week because I felt like I was eating a ton of food just to use it up.

But a crazy thing happened.  That was the week I actually broke my plateau in the 270s and got to 269.  Another even more crazy thing happened.  I felt incredible.  I'm talking I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-E.  Now, I feel like I have to take one more step back and tell  you a little more about how I was feeling leading up to this.

For the past six years, I have had horrible heartburn.  It started one night a few years ago and never went away.  Every time I lay down for more than a minute, I can feel the fire lighting in my chest...and it SUCKS!  I have been taking acid-reducing medicine every single day for six years.  While the medicine helps a ton, I HATE being dependent on medicine.  Lately I've been noticing other health problems popping up that I am afraid are related to taking these pills for such a long time.  My nails have always been strong, and now they are breaking and chipping.  My hair was super thick when I was younger, but now it is thin, brittle, and worst of all, falling out in large amounts.  I have been really freaked out about my hair loss lately so I started reading about long-term use of acid-reducing pills on Google the other night and discovered that stomach acid is necessary for several vitamins to be absorbed properly.  If you take heartburn medicine for any length of time, you can actually become very deficient in certain vitamins.  That would explain my hair and nail problems.

After reading that, I am determined to get off the heartburn pills once and for all.

So what does all this have to do with going gluten-free?  Well, like I said, I accidentally went gluten-free for a week a couple of weeks ago and felt great.  Not only did I feel great, my heartburn completely vanished.  For the first time in six years, I slept through the night without waking up from acid reflux.  It was amazing!  Now I'm wondering, am I sensitive to gluten?  Is that why I've been having heartburn all these years?

I'm not sure if going gluten-free is going to be the answer to my problems or not, but I felt so great that week that I am willing to give it another go.  For the next month, I'm going to be gluten-free.  It's going to be hard at first to find things I can substitute, but if I really do continue to feel this good, it will definitely be worth it.

Have you given up gluten?  Do you think it's just a fad?  

Any easy gluten-free recipes or websites with recipes would be MUCH appreciated!

A Quick Weigh-In

Do you guys weigh yourselves every day or only once a week?  

I've been weighing myself every day for the past couple of weeks.  I know they (whoever "they" are) say you should only weigh yourself once a week to keep from letting the scale rule how your day is going to go, but for me, I stay a lot more motivated day to day if I weigh in every morning. 

If I only weigh in once a week, it is just too easy for me to eat badly the day after my official weigh-in day.  I always tell myself, "I have a whole week to lose weight before the next weigh-in.  I can take today off."  Then one day turns into two days and two days turns into three, and before I know it, it's time for my next weigh-in and I've gained.

I think the last time I posted my weight here I was at 273.8.  For some reason I got stuck there for a while, but last week the scale finally started moving down.  It's a great feeling to look down every morning and see a lower number.  Well, today was the best number yet because I am FINALLY back in the 260s!! 

Today's Weight: 269.8
Total Weight Loss To Date: 24.2 pounds

Over the past year and a half that I've had this blog, I've gotten into the 260s before.  Right before my trip to Orlando last year I got down to 264.4.  Once I get below that number, I'll be entering new territory that I haven't seen in at least 5 or 6 years.

My goal for July is to get into the 250s, so I need to lose about 10 pounds.  I know with the work I've been putting in, that goal is very doable.  I also have some clothes that are SO close to fitting.  I am looking forward to trying them on again on August 1st and having them fit!

Speaking of clothes, I decided to sort through the mess in my closet and sort everything this past weekend.  I have TONS of clothes.  I realized I have everything from Size 12 to Size 24.  I boxed up everything that was currently too small and donated everything that was too big (not going back there, so I don't need them).  Right now I'm mainly wearing Size 22, but now I basically have a new wardrobe waiting for me each time I lose a size.  I am going to go through my stash of clothes and try on everything once a month and continue to donate the stuff that gets too big.

I have to say, one of the best feelings is pulling on a pair of jeans and having them fit perfectly when you could barely get them over your hips in the past.

Happy 4th of July!  Stay safe and make healthy choices!  :)   

Taking It To The Streets

I'm on a roll.  For the past couple of weeks, I have been eating healthy and working out every day.  I feel so motivated to continue down this path right now.  My problem is figuring out what kind of workout I'm going to do every day.  I get bored really, really easy when it comes to working out.  I've done a few workout DVDs in the past, and I just can't stay motivated enough to stick with them.  I hate having to watch the same DVD over and over again.

This summer I've been trying to mix things up.  I've been taking my workouts outside, and I am loving it!  Maybe it's just the heat, but I feel like I'm really doing something when I work up a sweat outside.  I feel like I'm getting so much stronger day by day.

My brother came down to visit me last week, and we decided to spend the day at a state park near my house.  There's a swimming beach and a hiking trail, so I figured I could get a decent workout in.  I wore my heart rate monitor just to see how my calorie burn was.  I burned over 900 calories just by enjoying myself outside! 

We started out doing a 2-mile hike through the woods.  It was gorgeous.  I worked up a sweat and was definitely huffing and puffing through some of the climbs, but I barely noticed it because I was too busy admiring the beautiful flowers and taking in the jaw-dropping views from the top of the bluffs we were standing on.  Then we went swimming at the public beach to cool down.  It was a perfect day and a perfect way to work out.

I want to incorporate more real-world workouts into my routine.  This is the reason I want to get fit in the first place.  I am an outdoors girl at heart, but my weight has been keeping me from doing the things I love for so long.  I absolutely cannot wait until next summer when I'm closer to my goal!

What's your favorite outdoor activity?

Recommitted And It Feels So Good

Week 1 of my recommitment to myself is in full effect.  I bought an elliptical at the beginning of May and have been using it off and on, but I started using it consistently this week.  Wow is all I can say!  I am loving it! 

For the past few months I have been searching for a good workout that will get my heart rate up without killing the ankle I injured back in September (which just doesn't seem like it's EVER going to heal totally).  Even walking for more than a mile leaves my ankle swelled up and painful for days.  The elliptical is so low impact that my ankle doesn't hurt while I'm getting a great workout.  Another plus is I am using my ankle enough that I feel like I'm finally building some strength back.

I've also discovered an app that I am absolutely in love with.  Have you guys tried the Nike Training Club app?  Holy moly!  It will definitely kick your butt.  I know I am super out of shape, but I have to think that even people who are in great shape can get a fantastic workout from this app.

You can choose Get Lean, Get Toned, Get Strong or Get Focused.  The workouts range from 15 to 45 minutes, and they absolutely fly by because you only do each move for between 30 seconds and 2 minutes.  The best part is you don't have to have any extra equipment.  You just use your body.

Now, even the beginner workouts are too much for me right now.  I just do what I can and try to improve each time.  After my first Nike workout, I was super, super sore, but I felt so fantastic.  I am definitely adding the workouts to my rotation.  Oh, and did I mention the app is free?!!!

I am excited to continue working out and tracking my results.  It's crazy how much stronger I feel already after just a week of consistent exercise.

What are some of your favorite workouts?  How do you push yourself to keep improving? 

Weight Loss: Take 954

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

Japanese Proverb

So if you've followed my blog over the past year and a half, you will know that I am not a very good weight loss blogger considering I haven't lost any weight.  It seems like all I ever do is lose 20 pounds, gain 20 pounds, lose 20 pounds, gain 20 pounds.  I don't know why it's so hard for me to stay consistent and just finally lose this weight. 

I know I'm not the only person to feel hopeless about trying to lose weight.  It's not easy to just completely change your entire lifestyle and know you can never go back.  When food is your friend and what you use to comfort yourself when you're down, it's hard to get rid of that crutch and walk the road alone.

For me, I feel like this is a life or death situation.  I am literally killing myself living like this.  I feel terrible all of the time.  I turn down invitations to do things because I am embarrassed about how I look.  Whenever I'm out in public, I don't enjoy what I'm doing because I'm too busy being self-conscious.

I know I've said this before, but today is the day I am making a change.  I am going to do this.  I don't have a choice.  I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.  I just have to remember how much I want this when the going gets rough and all I want to do is give up.

I've been overweight my whole life.  The crazy thing is I don't feel like I've ever truly been able to be my real self because of my weight.  I feel like I have the mind of an athlete in a fat person's body.  I absolutely love sports.  A sappy movie can't bring me to tears but a real-life story of an athlete who has overcome so much to live a dream will leave me a sobbing mess.  When I think about the life I want to be leading, I think of an active life.  I want to run, ride my bike, go camping, go kayaking, play tennis.  I want to really live life.

I know I've been missing from the blog world for the past couple of months.  I actually haven't been doing terrible.  I've pretty much maintained my 20-pound weight loss from the beginning of the year.  I just haven't made any new progress.

So here I am again, starting over.  Today I weighed in at 273.8.

Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about.

- Winston Churchill

Drinking Pop and Blood Sugar (aka NSV)

I haven't had a drink of pop (soda?) since December 31, 2011.  Even though I have been going through a rough time trying to stay healthy over the past month or so, I have not given in and still haven't had any pop.  After calculating that I eat over 30 pounds (yes, I said POUNDS) of sugar per year just in pop alone, I knew giving it up was the right decision.

I can't lie.  It really hasn't been easy.  I figured by now I wouldn't even want to drink it and, for the most part, I don't.  Sometimes, though, when I eat certain foods, it always triggers a craving for a certain sweet carbonated beverage.

I feel like I have been gaining and losing the same 20 pounds for the past year and a half, but I am starting to see some benefits to cutting out the large amount of sugar I used to get from drinking pop.  My blood sugar has gone down dramatically.

Sugar has always been my weakness.  On my path to becoming 294 pounds, I ate a lot of sugar.  About a year ago, I started worrying about my blood sugar.  I have a family history of diabetes and knew that I was eating myself into the disease.  I bought a blood sugar monitor and starting testing my blood sugar every so often.  Not surprisingly, it wasn't great.  I didn't have levels high enough to be called diabetic, but my blood sugar was definitely in the pre-diabetic range.

I haven't cut out sugar completely, but just cutting out pop has taken me from pre-diabetic to completely normal.  Not only is my blood sugar now completely normal, it's not even the high side of normal.  It's normal normal.

I know I'm making positive changes in my life and becoming healthier.  I just need to put everything together to finally lose this weight once and for all.

Being Perfect

I know, I know.  I went missing for a couple of weeks.  We all know what that means.  I've been being a bad, unhealthy person and just couldn't face my blogging buddies.

I've been scale-less for a couple of weeks, so my brain decided that that meant I could eat whatever I wanted.  If I couldn't see the number on the scale, it couldn't possibly be going up.  Right?  Well, I got a fancy new scale and the number definitely did go up.  I'm not sure if this scale just weighs me heavier or if I've really gained quite a bit of weight in the last couple of weeks.  Either way, it doesn't matter now.  I need to get back on track right away.


I start every day intending to be healthy.  I tell myself that I'm going to eat several small meals throughout the day and work out.  If anything at all happens to derail my plan, I decide that today was a bust and I can start over tomorrow.  I HAVE to stop doing this.  I don't have to be perfect every day.  I just need to do my best every day.  I know that staying consistent with healthy eating and exercise is the key.  I really struggle with finding a balance between completely giving up on myself and having to be perfect.  I've fought this battle with myself in all areas of my life since I was just a little kid.  I've always felt pressure to be perfect and have never felt good enough no matter how great my accomplishments are.  I am going to try to let go of all the pressure that I put on myself to be healthy, to be perfect, to make it look easy.  I'm going to try to relax this week and just try to keep moving forward no matter what gets thrown at me.

 
My brother decided that he wants to get healthy and lose weight, so now I am even more motivated to continue on.  We are doing a 6-week competition to see who can lose the highest percentage of weight loss.  I am determined to beat him, so I am back on track as of today.  I'm excited to see how much progress I can make in the next six weeks!

So here is the embarrassing weigh-in.  I think I was around 267 or 268 a few weeks ago.  Today I weighed in at 277.6.  Yuck!  I am ready for a much smaller number on the scale next Sunday.

Weigh Day - Week 12

Well, there's really no weigh-in this week, so the title of this post is a little misleading.  I tried to weigh in this morning and realized my scale has gone completely crazy.  When I weighed last week and had a gain, I was pretty surprised, but didn't really think anything of it.  Then this week, I knew I would have a loss.  I did so good with food, and my clothes are getting super loose. 

I stepped on the scale and saw...298!  What?!  Okay.  That's about a 30-pound gain this week.  Hmm.  Maybe I should try this again.

I stepped back on the scale and saw...254.  Now you're talking!  A 13-pound loss this week!  Even though it would be amazing to be 254, I knew that couldn't be right either.

I tried one more time and saw...307.  Okay.  That's not even funny.  This scale has gone insane!  I have absolutely no idea what happened to the scale, but it definitely is done dealing.

So I'm going to have to get a new scale sometime this week.  I'll have a new scale and a real weigh-in for you guys next week. 

Weigh Day - Week 11

I took this week off and had myself a little staycation!  It was great, but it went WAY too fast.  I worked on my house all week.  I am so sore and feel like I've been doing squats all week.  Home improvement is hard work.  I haven't really paid attention to food this week, but I know I made good choices.  In fact, I was so busy I didn't even think about eating much.  I was really excited to step on the scale this morning because I was sure that with eating healthy and moving constantly all week while working on the house, I would have lost a couple of pounds.  I was shocked when I GAINED a pound!  I can't figure this scale out.  I work hard and gain a pound.  I sit around being lazy all week and lose 2 pounds.  Ugh!  It's frustrating.  I'm still on a downward trend, so I know what I'm doing is working.  I'll just have to keep on keeping on!

I've noticed some of my blogging buddies have gone MIA this week, so I hope everyone is still on track.  Here's to a successful week this week and hopefully a loss on the scale next Sunday!!

Starting Weight: 294.0
Week 10 Weight: 267.4
Week 11 Weight: 268.2

Gain This Week: 0.8 pounds

Total Weight Loss: 25.8 pounds

Weigh Day - Week 10

Oh, man.  What a rough, rough week!  I have been working from the time I get up to the time I go to sleep...all...week...long.  I am bone tired right now.  Daylight Savings Time isn't really helping my situation either.  I even have to work all day today!  The good news is, I decided to take next week off, so once I get through this job today, I will have a whole week of not thinking about work at all.  Yay!!

I realize I've kind of turned into a once-a-week updater instead of a blogger.  I will get better at this.  I love the support and community I get from this blog, and I love following all your journeys to get healthy.  Even if I haven't been commenting on your blogs, I have still been reading them!

I get my cast off on Monday, and I absolutely cannot wait.  I can start swimming again next week!  I am so ready to start burning some calories again.  I am only 2 pounds away from my lowest weight in a looooong time and I want to get there soon, so I need to burn me lots of calories.  :)

Starting Weight: 294.0
Week 9 Weight: 269.6
Week 10 Weight: 267.4

Loss This Week: 2.2 pounds!
Total Weight Loss: 26.6 pounds

Wow, I can't believe I'm getting close to 30 pounds lost!  I'm really hoping for 264 something next week.  I haven't seen that number since my niece was born, and she'll be 7 in a couple of months.  Yikes!

Weigh Day - Week 9

So I'm kind of irritated about the weigh-in today.  I did SO good this week.  Of course, I still can't do anything on my ankle, so I pretty much sat around like a bump on a log all week.  But...my food was great.  I expected to see at least a pound loss, if not more.  But once again, I was foiled by my nemesis...the scale! 

What makes it even worse is yesterday, I did a little sneak preview on the scale and saw 267, which would have been almost a 3 pound loss from last week.  I didn't even eat anything bad yesterday, definitely nothing to warrant a couple of pounds.  But as we all know, the scale can play tricks with us and it never tells the whole story.

In other news, only 10 more days in a cast!  I still have to take it easy for another four weeks after I get my cast off, but I can start swimming again.  The weather has been so nice outside lately and I absolutely cannot wait to get out there and start burning some calories!

Week 8 Weight: 269.8
Week 9 Weight: 269.6

Loss This Week: 0.2 pounds  (Lame!!)
Total Weight Loss: 24.4 pounds

I have to say, even though I didn't get a huge loss this week, I am feeling amazing.  Usually this is the time of year when I look at how far I have to go and just end up giving up and going back to my old ways. 

I know that isn't going to happen this time. 

I don't know what it is about this time, but this is my time.  I know it.  I feel it.  I am past the point where I am having cravings all day and fighting the urge to binge eat all the time.  I have been actually craving carrots all week for some reason.  Weird, right? 

I'm also eating things I never in a million years thought I would eat...and actually liking them.  I have a new love and his name is Brussels sprouts.  I can't get enough of them! 

I'm definitely taking steps in a new direction, and I like what I see ahead of me.

Weigh Day - Week 8

I'm going to keep this short and sweet this week.  I have been ridiculously busy with work, so I haven't had time to do anything.  Sorry I've been neglecting y'all.

Week 7 Weight: 271.0
Week 8 Weight: 269.8

Loss This Week: 1.2 pounds.  I'll take it!
Total Weight Loss:  24.2 pounds!!

I am so, so, so excited to be in the 260s.  I'm looking forward to getting this stupid cast off so I can kick some butt working out.  I hope everybody else had a great week, too!!

Weigh Day - Week 7

Are we already over 7 weeks into 2012?  This year is absolutely flying by.

The past few days I have been extremely focused on eating healthy.  Since being put into a cast on Wednesday for the next month, I have been planted on the couch.  I am definitely getting antsy, and while I'm sure I could still be working out without using my ankle, I am enjoying some rest and relaxation for a change.  I like not having the stress of having to fit so many things into one day.  Even though I hate being in the cast and I believe crutches were created as some kind of torture device, I am trying to stay positive and use this as an opportunity to recharge my batteries and gear up for my training once my ankle is 100% healthy again.

I know you're really here to see the weigh-in, so I'll get to it.

Week 6 Weight: 273.8

Week 7 Weight: 271.0

I lost 2.8 pounds this week.  Woot woot!!!  That's a total of 23 pounds in the last 7 weeks!

Sometimes when I am working out hard, my body rebels and refuses to lose weight.  This week, I didn't do any workouts and I lost almost 3 pounds.  Go figure.  I know it's crazy.  The body is definitely a mystery.

This week I'm going to focus on my food since I've still got three more weeks of cast and crutches.  I've got a couple new recipes that I really need to get to you guys.  I made a batch of really yummy and super healthy banana muffins using whole wheat flour, and I also made some fabulous black bean chili.  I've been making a lot of stuff that I can cook once and then eat for a few days.  Trust me, cooking on crutches is not an easy task!

My goal for next week is to be in the 260s.  I'm really excited to get down below 265.  I got to around 265 last year before things started to unravel, so once I get below 265 I'll officially be lower than I've been in probably 5 years or more.  Only 6 pounds to go!     

Injury Update

So I went to the doctor today about my ankle injury.  He did an MRI and found a torn ligament.  He said it has been slowly healing for the past few months, but because I never really gave it a complete rest it is just taking forever to get back to normal.  Basically, every time I take a step, I am undoing the healing and keeping it from getting any better.

Here's Operation Ankle Rehab:

For the next 4 weeks, I am in a cast.  Boo!!  I also have to use crutches for the next month and stay off my foot completely.  This is going to be HARD!!  Now that I live by myself, I know things like grocery shopping and cooking meals is going to be a challenge.

For 4 weeks after I get out of the cast, I still can't do any exercise using my ankle.  I also have to follow a daily stretching and strengthening routine for my ankle.

Then after 8 weeks, I can finally start light exercising, walking and riding my bike.

I am happy that I know what is wrong with my ankle, and I'm super excited to be on the road to getting it back to 100 percent.  However, I know that this derails my triathlon plans.  I won't be able to pick back up on my training for 2 months, and the triathlon is in only 3 months.  I still plan on doing a triathlon this summer, but right now I have to focus on getting better.

I'm not going to let this injury stop me from continuing to lose weight.  I'm going to focus my attention on eating right.  My exercises are going to have to be mainly limited to lifting weights.  So today the countdown begins to March 15th.  I already can't wait to get out of this cast!

Weigh Day - Week 6 and Venting Frustrations

I really worked hard to stay within my calories this week.  I am loving being able to buy my own food and cook for myself only now that my brother has moved out.  Eating was MUCH better this week than last week.  My frustration was when it came to working out, but I'll get to that in a minute.

Week 5 Weight: 273.8

Week 6 Weight: 273.8

273, 273 go away.  Come again another day NEVER.

So why am I frustrated about working out?  Well, I know I've mentioned my ankle a couple of times.  I sprained it at the end of September, but me, being the smart person I am, didn't go to the doctor to have it checked out.  I kept telling myself it wasn't that bad.  It actually improved pretty fast and I could walk on it (albeit with a huge limp) in less than a week.  I didn't want to disappoint my family and opt out of the bike trip we had planned for the beginning of October, so I pushed my ankle and started riding my bike again almost right away.  Even though my left foot went completely numb when I rode more than a couple of miles, I kept at it.

So cut to a couple of months later and I was able to walk pretty easily on my ankle.  However, it still didn't feel right.  It was still swollen and putting on my shoe would cause a sharp pain to shoot up my leg every time.  By January 1st, I was so ready to start working out and eating healthy again.  My ankle wasn't ready for me to do that, though.  For the past couple of weeks, my ankle has been really swollen.  I have been trying to follow my sprint triathlon training program, and my ankle is kicking back.  It's just too much for it.

I'm sooo frustrated with this injury.  It's been four-and-a-half months and I'm still dealing with it.  The worst part is it seems like it has improved all it's going to.  It hasn't gotten any better for at least a month.  I am so motivated right now to do hard workouts, train for the triathlon, and finally get this weight off, but my body is stopping me from doing that.

I decided to get smart and actually have a doctor check it out this week.  I know I should have gone in the first place, but I absolutely hate going to the doctor.  I have sprained my ankle before and within a couple of weeks I was back to normal.  I have never had an injury that just lingered for months.  I made an appointment for Wednesday, so I'll let you guys know what I hear.  I really hope I can get back to training soon.  I have 99 days until the triathlon and I need to be able to train!

Have you ever had to deal with an injury?

Weigh Day - Week 5

I haven't been around the blogosphere much this week.  My brother is moving out this week, so I've been busy trying to get everything prepared.  Then I was out of town towards the end of the week helping him move.  Unfortunately, I didn't plan my food very well and ended up eating out more often than not.  I also only worked out a couple of days this week.  

Now that I'm on my own, I think eating healthy is going to be a LOT easier.  I only have to worry about cooking for myself and I don't have to have bad things in the house at all.  I'm also turning my brother's old room into an exercise room!  I'm really excited to paint and get everything set up in there.  I will show you guys the pics when I'm done.  I really only have a stationary bike and a weight bench, but, hey, that's better than nothing!

Week 4 Weight: 273.6

Week 5 Weight: 273.8

This Week:  Gained 0.2 pounds

Total Weight Loss: 20.2 pounds

Weigh Day - Week 4

A couple of days into the week, the ankle I injured back in September started to swell up again and got really sore.  I guess I did more than it wanted me to.  I had to take it easy on working out the rest of the week, so I didn't get as many calories burned as I would have liked to.  I'm going to focus on swimming next week to give my ankle another easy week.  I need it to get back to 100% stat!

My eating has been really great lately!  I feel like I might turn into a vegetable I've eaten so many this week.  It's amazing how much more food you can eat when you are eating healthy.  I feel stuffed every day and have even been struggling to get in enough calories each day.  My brother and I went out to eat once this week for Mexican food.  It was really good, but it was so not worth the calories.  I was starving later in the day and didn't have any calories left for snacking.  I definitely need to stick with cooking at home.

So how was my weight loss?

Week 3 Weight: 275.4

Week 4 Weight: 273.6

Lost This Week: 1.8 pounds

Total Weight Loss: 20.4 pounds!

I've lost over 20 pounds already!  Woo hoo!!!!  I'm extremely motivated right now to keep it up.  :)

How was your week?

Dare To Tri

117 days until my first triathlon, and I’m already starting to get nervous!  I have been working out, following the training plan, and feeling stronger every day.  I feel like I have really hit my stride in the past week.  I’m excited to get up every morning and get another healthy day under my belt.  I have been tracking my calories and cooking some delicious food, not feeling deprived at all. 

 

What I’m struggling with is comparisons.  I know that no matter how hard I train, I’m not going to be at the level of the other triathletes only 117 days from now.  I’m probably not even going to be close.  My goal at this point is just to run the race within myself and finish the race.  I just get frustrated knowing what I’ve done to my body, knowing that if I had just taken care of myself for the past 29 years, I could have the body the other triathletes will surely have.

I know I should accept myself and just be happy that I’m making positive changes.  I just can’t help but compare myself to others.  I know it’s going to be both a physical and mental battle for me on race day.  This entire weight loss journey is a fight against self-doubt, a fight to make myself believe that I have the inner strength to become the person I want to be.  My weight has held me back for far too long.  The body I have right now is the body I have right now.  I’m trying to accept that fact.

Setting aside my doubts, I am excited about how different things will be when I reach my weight loss goal.  I know I will be stronger after having gone through this journey.  Until then, I’m just going to keep taking it one day at a time.

Weigh Day - Week 3

I'm happy to report that after I sort of derailed myself with some cookies earlier in the week, I got right back on track and finished the week strong.  I thought surely I wouldn't lose any weight this week.  I have no idea what is going on with my body, but I hope it keeps happening because I had another good loss this week! 

Week 2 Weight: 277.6
Week 3 Weight: 275.4

Lost This Week: 2.2 pounds  :)
Total Weight Loss: 18.6 pounds

I realized this week that you don't have to be perfect.  You just have to be consistent.  I had an incident.  It happened.  I got over it.  I carried on.  I have to remember when the going gets tough that this is just one day of many.

My goal for this week is to step it up with exercise.  I have been working out several days a week, but I haven't been hitting my weekly calorie burn goals.  To keep up this steady weight loss, I'm going to need to work out harder than I have been.

Can't wait for next week!

Riding the Roller Coaster

For the past almost 3 weeks now, I've been staying away from all things sugar.  Sugar is my biggest weakness.  Just having a little bit is not an option for me.  I absolutely cannot be trusted when sugar is in the house.  Since I gave it up, I've been feeling fantastic.  I actually jumped out of bed this morning excited about living this healthy lifestyle for another day.

Photo Source: phineasandferb.wikia.com

Today is my brother's 24th birthday and he requested that I make him "some sweets."  I'm the baker in the family.  Whether it's cookies or cake or brownies, even homemade Twix bars, I have a great recipe for it.  I figured, Hey, I've got this sugar situation under control.  I don't even want it anymore.  I can handle baking a measly batch of cookies.  Ummm...no, I can't.  It started out innocently enough, just tasting a tiny bit of cookie dough.  Then that old voice reared its ugly head.  "Well, you've ruined your day now.  You might as well eat more."

Photo Source: http://pinterest.com/pin/79305643407833261/

I ended up eating 7 cookies.  Luckily, I had measured them out ahead of time, so I knew they were 100 calories each.  700 calories in cookies is not acceptable.


The thing is...I feel terrible now.  I am super tired and don't want to get off the couch.  I really don't want to change into workout clothes and work out (even though I'm going to).  I can feel the cookies sitting in my stomach like a rock.  They so were NOT worth it.

This weight loss journey is like a roller coaster.  It's full of twists and turns, and you're not quite sure what's around the next corner.  Just when you start to feel comfortable, the bottom drops out on you again.  I'm not going to let this incident throw me off track, though.  I'm going to sweat off some of those calories tonight.  Tomorrow I'm going to get up and keep going.  I might not know exactly what's in store for me, but I'm just going to try to hang on and enjoy the ride.

What foods do you struggle with the most?

Weigh Day - Week 2

I was really nervous for my weigh-in this morning.  Even though I worked hard this week, I was afraid the scale wasn't going to show anything because of my 13-pound weight loss last week.  But...the scale made me do a happy dance AGAIN this week!

I lost another 3.4 pounds this week!!  I cannot even tell you how excited I am about that.  Who knew that eating healthy + working out several days a week = weight loss?  :)

Week 1 Weight: 281.0
Week 2 Weight: 277.6
Total Weight Loss: 16.4 pounds

I'm also really happy to report that I got past the initial sugar cravings.  I just realized I haven't even thought about dessert or drinking pop for a few days.  Instead of sitting at work and dreaming of all the places I could order food from when I get off, I actually am excited about the dinners I have planned and cooked for myself.  I am cautiously optimistic that this might really be the time I do this weight loss thing.

Are you a calorie counter?

Tri Training Plan

A lot of my blogging buddies have done the Couch to 5K training program and had great success.  I found a similar training program to help me train for my upcoming sprint triathlon.  It's basically a couch to sprint triathlon program.  You start off slowly swimming, biking and walking only a few minutes at a time and work your way up to being able to complete a sprint triathlon from start to finish.

The program is called Michael Pate's Total Sprint.  The best part...it's free online!

I found out about the program on beginnertriathlete.com.  If any of you are interested in learning more about triathlon or possibly competing in a triathlon yourself, this is a fantastic website for newbies.  They have a place to log your training, online coaching, and lots of stories and helpful tips from other triathletes.

As of the beginning of this week, I had 19 weeks to train for the KC Triathlon.  The Total Sprint program is 22 weeks, but I'm going to make it work.

Have you followed a program like Couch to 5K before?

Talk to the Fishies

For those of you who are new to my blog, I'm doing a triathlon on May 20th!  I will be competing in the Kansas City Triathlon with hundreds of other (fitter than me) people.  I am extremely nervous, but I'm also super excited to have this goal to work toward for the next few months.

I'll be competing in the sprint distance, which is a 1/3 mile swim, followed by a 12 mile bike ride, followed by a 3 mile run.

I really love riding my bike and I know I can at least walk 3 miles if I have to.  The thing I am the most nervous about is...the swim.  I know how to swim.  And by "swim," I mean float around in the lake with my friends.  I have never in my life, though, swam an actual lap or learned proper freestyle form.  I've definitely never tried swimming with 50 people kicking and thrashing around me.

There is only one indoor pool close to me, so I decided to go practice my freestyle during lap swim time.  I mean, how hard can it really be?  Michael Phelps makes it look easy.  Let me tell you.  It was hilarious.  I am horrible at it!  Oh, my gosh.  I just could not get the right rhythm going with the breathing.  I was splashing and gulping air, then choking on water.  I'm still searching YouTube to make sure nobody secretly videotaped and posted it.

After a few disastrous attempts, I struck up a conversation with the lifeguard.  It turns out she is the swimming instructor for the pool.  Her advice to me was, "Talk to the fishies.  Now listen to the fishies.  Talk to the fishies.  Now listen to the fishies."  She actually really helped me with the breathing.  I still didn't quite get it down, but I'm excited to try again tomorrow.

Are you a swimmer?

Weigh Day - Week 1

Resolutions are good.  Results are better!  I got some GREAT results this week.  I am super, super excited to tell you about my weigh-in this week.

Starting Weight: 294.0 (highest weight ever)

Week 1 Weight: 281.0

Loss This Week: 13 pounds!!

Total Weight Loss: 13 pounds

Oh, my gosh.  Are you serious?  I lost 13 pounds this week?!  I know most of it was detoxing from Christmas and New Year's binging, but I don't care.  I am just so glad that weight is gone.  I stuck to my calories this week.  I went over them last night but nothing too crazy.  I also started exercising.  I'm starting off pretty easy on the exercise end.  I have been so lazy lately, so I really need to build up some strength before doing any hard-core workouts.

I love having a weigh-in on Sunday because I can't tell myself that it's okay to just let loose on the weekend.  That's one of my favorite eating excuses.  "Oh, I did so good all week, I can let myself go this weekend and start again on Monday."  I am NOT doing that anymore.  No more excuses.

First Week Blues

The first week after you make a big lifestyle change is always the hardest.  I have been struggling with sugar cravings for the past few days.  I know that in a couple of weeks, if I just stick to my guns, I won't even think about sugar.  I just need to get through this first week.  My brother (who lives with me) isn't making it easy on me.  He just baked an apple-blackberry pie and is waving it in front of my face as we speak.  I know I have to stay committed and just push through this first phase.  I've been really good so far.

I did my first workout in a long time on Monday.  I went for a walk on Tuesday and then played tennis earlier today.  My goal is to burn 500 calories a day working out.  Right now I'm averaging about 250.  I am planning on taking it kind of easy on myself this week to start building my stamina back up.  I have overdone it in the past and injured myself, so I know I need to start slowly and work my way up.  I am also still recovering from a severe ankle sprain at the end of September, and I really don't want to reinjure that.

How is your week going?

Sugar, Sugar Everywhere

I made a New Year's resolution this year to give up pop completely.  Now, I've never been one to buy cans of pop at the grocery store and just drink can after can.  When I'm eating out at a restaurant, that's a different story.  I always order a Coke or Pepsi to go with my meal.

Source: http://pinterest.com/pin/207306389066881301/

Just out of curiosity, I decided to figure up how much sugar I consume each year just by drinking pop.  Since I never buy it at the store and don't keep it in the house, it couldn't possibly be that much, could it?  Wow!  I was completely floored when I saw the figures.  Here's how it calculated out.


As a rough estimate, I figured I drink an average of 7 cans of pop per week.  That was shocking to me just by itself.  I never realized how those 32-ounce drinks could add up so quickly.


7 cans x 12 ounces per can = 84 ounces per week 
84 ounces per week x 52 weeks = 4,368 ounces per year

Each ounce of Coca-Cola has 3.25 grams of sugar

4,368 ounces per year x 3.25 grams of sugar per ounce = 14,196 grams of sugar from Coca-Cola per year

A pound of sugar contains approximately 453 grams

14,196 / 453 = 31.34 pounds!

I have been drinking over 31 pounds of sugar per year 

That is so unbelievable.  My body has to process almost 8 four-pound bags of pure sugar just in pop alone every year.  I don't even want to think about all of the other things I eat that contain tons of sugar.  I am SO glad I decided to give up pop this year.  Seeing these numbers is going to definitely keep me motivated to stay away from the stuff.

How much pop do you drink each week?

New Year, Fresh Start

Yep, I'm going to be one of those people.  I'm starting over today.  I'm forgetting about 2011 and my failed weight loss efforts.  I'm embarrassed to admit that I have pretty much been in a binge-eating spiral for the last month and a half.  Today when I stepped on the scale, I saw all of those cupcakes, cookies, French fries (this list could go on) finally catch up to me.  I saw an all-time high on the scale.

Starting Weight (January 1, 2012):  294.0

I am about to cry just looking at that.

Anyone else joining me with a fresh start today?