Weight Loss: Take 954

Fall seven times, stand up eight.

Japanese Proverb

So if you've followed my blog over the past year and a half, you will know that I am not a very good weight loss blogger considering I haven't lost any weight.  It seems like all I ever do is lose 20 pounds, gain 20 pounds, lose 20 pounds, gain 20 pounds.  I don't know why it's so hard for me to stay consistent and just finally lose this weight. 

I know I'm not the only person to feel hopeless about trying to lose weight.  It's not easy to just completely change your entire lifestyle and know you can never go back.  When food is your friend and what you use to comfort yourself when you're down, it's hard to get rid of that crutch and walk the road alone.

For me, I feel like this is a life or death situation.  I am literally killing myself living like this.  I feel terrible all of the time.  I turn down invitations to do things because I am embarrassed about how I look.  Whenever I'm out in public, I don't enjoy what I'm doing because I'm too busy being self-conscious.

I know I've said this before, but today is the day I am making a change.  I am going to do this.  I don't have a choice.  I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.  I just have to remember how much I want this when the going gets rough and all I want to do is give up.

I've been overweight my whole life.  The crazy thing is I don't feel like I've ever truly been able to be my real self because of my weight.  I feel like I have the mind of an athlete in a fat person's body.  I absolutely love sports.  A sappy movie can't bring me to tears but a real-life story of an athlete who has overcome so much to live a dream will leave me a sobbing mess.  When I think about the life I want to be leading, I think of an active life.  I want to run, ride my bike, go camping, go kayaking, play tennis.  I want to really live life.

I know I've been missing from the blog world for the past couple of months.  I actually haven't been doing terrible.  I've pretty much maintained my 20-pound weight loss from the beginning of the year.  I just haven't made any new progress.

So here I am again, starting over.  Today I weighed in at 273.8.

Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about.

- Winston Churchill

Drinking Pop and Blood Sugar (aka NSV)

I haven't had a drink of pop (soda?) since December 31, 2011.  Even though I have been going through a rough time trying to stay healthy over the past month or so, I have not given in and still haven't had any pop.  After calculating that I eat over 30 pounds (yes, I said POUNDS) of sugar per year just in pop alone, I knew giving it up was the right decision.

I can't lie.  It really hasn't been easy.  I figured by now I wouldn't even want to drink it and, for the most part, I don't.  Sometimes, though, when I eat certain foods, it always triggers a craving for a certain sweet carbonated beverage.

I feel like I have been gaining and losing the same 20 pounds for the past year and a half, but I am starting to see some benefits to cutting out the large amount of sugar I used to get from drinking pop.  My blood sugar has gone down dramatically.

Sugar has always been my weakness.  On my path to becoming 294 pounds, I ate a lot of sugar.  About a year ago, I started worrying about my blood sugar.  I have a family history of diabetes and knew that I was eating myself into the disease.  I bought a blood sugar monitor and starting testing my blood sugar every so often.  Not surprisingly, it wasn't great.  I didn't have levels high enough to be called diabetic, but my blood sugar was definitely in the pre-diabetic range.

I haven't cut out sugar completely, but just cutting out pop has taken me from pre-diabetic to completely normal.  Not only is my blood sugar now completely normal, it's not even the high side of normal.  It's normal normal.

I know I'm making positive changes in my life and becoming healthier.  I just need to put everything together to finally lose this weight once and for all.

Being Perfect

I know, I know.  I went missing for a couple of weeks.  We all know what that means.  I've been being a bad, unhealthy person and just couldn't face my blogging buddies.

I've been scale-less for a couple of weeks, so my brain decided that that meant I could eat whatever I wanted.  If I couldn't see the number on the scale, it couldn't possibly be going up.  Right?  Well, I got a fancy new scale and the number definitely did go up.  I'm not sure if this scale just weighs me heavier or if I've really gained quite a bit of weight in the last couple of weeks.  Either way, it doesn't matter now.  I need to get back on track right away.


I start every day intending to be healthy.  I tell myself that I'm going to eat several small meals throughout the day and work out.  If anything at all happens to derail my plan, I decide that today was a bust and I can start over tomorrow.  I HAVE to stop doing this.  I don't have to be perfect every day.  I just need to do my best every day.  I know that staying consistent with healthy eating and exercise is the key.  I really struggle with finding a balance between completely giving up on myself and having to be perfect.  I've fought this battle with myself in all areas of my life since I was just a little kid.  I've always felt pressure to be perfect and have never felt good enough no matter how great my accomplishments are.  I am going to try to let go of all the pressure that I put on myself to be healthy, to be perfect, to make it look easy.  I'm going to try to relax this week and just try to keep moving forward no matter what gets thrown at me.

 
My brother decided that he wants to get healthy and lose weight, so now I am even more motivated to continue on.  We are doing a 6-week competition to see who can lose the highest percentage of weight loss.  I am determined to beat him, so I am back on track as of today.  I'm excited to see how much progress I can make in the next six weeks!

So here is the embarrassing weigh-in.  I think I was around 267 or 268 a few weeks ago.  Today I weighed in at 277.6.  Yuck!  I am ready for a much smaller number on the scale next Sunday.

Weigh Day - Week 12

Well, there's really no weigh-in this week, so the title of this post is a little misleading.  I tried to weigh in this morning and realized my scale has gone completely crazy.  When I weighed last week and had a gain, I was pretty surprised, but didn't really think anything of it.  Then this week, I knew I would have a loss.  I did so good with food, and my clothes are getting super loose. 

I stepped on the scale and saw...298!  What?!  Okay.  That's about a 30-pound gain this week.  Hmm.  Maybe I should try this again.

I stepped back on the scale and saw...254.  Now you're talking!  A 13-pound loss this week!  Even though it would be amazing to be 254, I knew that couldn't be right either.

I tried one more time and saw...307.  Okay.  That's not even funny.  This scale has gone insane!  I have absolutely no idea what happened to the scale, but it definitely is done dealing.

So I'm going to have to get a new scale sometime this week.  I'll have a new scale and a real weigh-in for you guys next week. 

Weigh Day - Week 11

I took this week off and had myself a little staycation!  It was great, but it went WAY too fast.  I worked on my house all week.  I am so sore and feel like I've been doing squats all week.  Home improvement is hard work.  I haven't really paid attention to food this week, but I know I made good choices.  In fact, I was so busy I didn't even think about eating much.  I was really excited to step on the scale this morning because I was sure that with eating healthy and moving constantly all week while working on the house, I would have lost a couple of pounds.  I was shocked when I GAINED a pound!  I can't figure this scale out.  I work hard and gain a pound.  I sit around being lazy all week and lose 2 pounds.  Ugh!  It's frustrating.  I'm still on a downward trend, so I know what I'm doing is working.  I'll just have to keep on keeping on!

I've noticed some of my blogging buddies have gone MIA this week, so I hope everyone is still on track.  Here's to a successful week this week and hopefully a loss on the scale next Sunday!!

Starting Weight: 294.0
Week 10 Weight: 267.4
Week 11 Weight: 268.2

Gain This Week: 0.8 pounds

Total Weight Loss: 25.8 pounds

Weigh Day - Week 10

Oh, man.  What a rough, rough week!  I have been working from the time I get up to the time I go to sleep...all...week...long.  I am bone tired right now.  Daylight Savings Time isn't really helping my situation either.  I even have to work all day today!  The good news is, I decided to take next week off, so once I get through this job today, I will have a whole week of not thinking about work at all.  Yay!!

I realize I've kind of turned into a once-a-week updater instead of a blogger.  I will get better at this.  I love the support and community I get from this blog, and I love following all your journeys to get healthy.  Even if I haven't been commenting on your blogs, I have still been reading them!

I get my cast off on Monday, and I absolutely cannot wait.  I can start swimming again next week!  I am so ready to start burning some calories again.  I am only 2 pounds away from my lowest weight in a looooong time and I want to get there soon, so I need to burn me lots of calories.  :)

Starting Weight: 294.0
Week 9 Weight: 269.6
Week 10 Weight: 267.4

Loss This Week: 2.2 pounds!
Total Weight Loss: 26.6 pounds

Wow, I can't believe I'm getting close to 30 pounds lost!  I'm really hoping for 264 something next week.  I haven't seen that number since my niece was born, and she'll be 7 in a couple of months.  Yikes!

Weigh Day - Week 9

So I'm kind of irritated about the weigh-in today.  I did SO good this week.  Of course, I still can't do anything on my ankle, so I pretty much sat around like a bump on a log all week.  But...my food was great.  I expected to see at least a pound loss, if not more.  But once again, I was foiled by my nemesis...the scale! 

What makes it even worse is yesterday, I did a little sneak preview on the scale and saw 267, which would have been almost a 3 pound loss from last week.  I didn't even eat anything bad yesterday, definitely nothing to warrant a couple of pounds.  But as we all know, the scale can play tricks with us and it never tells the whole story.

In other news, only 10 more days in a cast!  I still have to take it easy for another four weeks after I get my cast off, but I can start swimming again.  The weather has been so nice outside lately and I absolutely cannot wait to get out there and start burning some calories!

Week 8 Weight: 269.8
Week 9 Weight: 269.6

Loss This Week: 0.2 pounds  (Lame!!)
Total Weight Loss: 24.4 pounds

I have to say, even though I didn't get a huge loss this week, I am feeling amazing.  Usually this is the time of year when I look at how far I have to go and just end up giving up and going back to my old ways. 

I know that isn't going to happen this time. 

I don't know what it is about this time, but this is my time.  I know it.  I feel it.  I am past the point where I am having cravings all day and fighting the urge to binge eat all the time.  I have been actually craving carrots all week for some reason.  Weird, right? 

I'm also eating things I never in a million years thought I would eat...and actually liking them.  I have a new love and his name is Brussels sprouts.  I can't get enough of them! 

I'm definitely taking steps in a new direction, and I like what I see ahead of me.